After only three hours of sleep, meditation this morning was difficult, but still it was obvious to me that if I make enough effort I will be awake. If I am not succeeding, I am not making enough effort. Simple.

 

Each meditation today was more powerful than the last. I found myself immersed in depths of stillness that I haven’t touched for a long time and I can feel the possibility of letting go radically right at hand – letting go in a way that is out of control. This is my goal, to let go for real, to let go for good, to let go once and for all.

 

This is only the first of 30 days and I feel grateful for each and every one of them already. I will give everything I’ve got to the practice and see what happens. It’s great that meditation is so deep, so fast, but I don’t want to be satisfied with just a pleasant experience. After all the preparation that has led up to this retreat I want to make sure something happens. There’s no other way to look at it that makes sense – something has to happen.