Meditation Retreat Journal Entry #7

April 29, 2009

Thoughts, they are all the same, thoughts about my life, sexual thoughts, day dreams, spiritual thoughts, thoughts about all my ideas about how I am doing on the spiritual path.

 

They are all thoughts,

thoughts,

thoughts.

 

Meanwhile, here in reality, I am going to die lost in my mind with all my cherished thoughts if I don’t find a way out beyond my compulsive, fascination with thought and the unquestioned belief that there is something in them, somewhere, of value.

 

Just do the practice.

 

Stop worrying about what’s supposed to happen, what is happening, what is about to happen and what is not happening.

 

All that thinking is just garbage, garbage, garbage.

 

The mind produces nothing but garbage.

 

***

 

The last meditation tonight was deeply still. I just stopped. I didn’t think about stopping, I didn’t try to stop, I wasn’t lost in the process of stopping; I just stopped, sat still, relaxed and paid attention. I just let everything be as it is.

 

So where is the explosion? Is there supposed to be one?

 

It became clear to me that in order to really let go in meditation; one has to be sincere in the intent to go all the way now. Not in the future – in this moment. Only that kind of intention can create real miracles.

 

That is my contemplation. Am I ready to go all the way now, am I ready to trust and surrender?

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